Right now I have music on in the background whilst writing this blog, music that reminds me of the person I accidently fell in love with.
Coming from a depressed time in my life around one and a half years ago, I was going through a struggle of anxiety, and questioning my sexuality. The anxiety will always be there, but ‘coming out’ is still such a huge burden to carry on your shoulders and to carry around. I was Feeling so alone and running through a cycle of getting use to being surrounded in darkness. I had friends, but not close enough to be pouring out my emotions to them, when everybody is having babies or getting engaged, I was in the middle of questioning whether ill have to adopt one day, or be walking down the isle with a man or woman. I had a supportive family but coming out is such a hard task, that it takes a good 5 times for it to actually be the right time. When telling people separately, the more you tell, the more it becomes easier.
I remember being in a low place in my life, and then being in work with this amazing girl who had me in stiches when I never even felt like smiling. I never fell for her then, I was just so happy I had met someone as funny and kind, who naturally made me so much more happier without even trying. At this time I was still questioning my sexuality. As time went on, there would be a stares, stops and smiles across the restaurant.
It took one night out for a drunken kiss to happen, which obviously got blamed on alcohol by me. After that we both started to talk and just simply got very close and having someone who shared the same struggle as you do with coming out, it felt like you were not alone. Having someone to message until sometimes 2am, I would be lying there laughing so hard at times. So much happened in the time I got to know her and spent with her. I believe she got me out of that dark place and ill be forever thankful.
Love will lead you to a certain place where it doesn’t matter who you fall in love with, the heart wants what it wants.